I am proud to say that I have completed three whole homework assignments today as well as written a song. I am finally feeling accomplished, which is something that I have not felt in a very long time. It is snowing outside for the second time, another sign that winter is upon us and threatening my sanity. The snow always has weird affects one me. I am, in fact, a winter baby. I was born to be distracted by the cold and the snow and the holidays.
I am nervous for the holidays because I am a broke college student who has made many close friends whom she wants to please and buy gifts for. I will probably end up making things for them with love and kindness. :)
12/8/09
Freshman Seminar Post #WHOKNOWS
Writing the Club/Organization paper made me realize how much I love the Musician's guild. The club is not only a club, but we have become like a family. We see each other outside of meetings and our music skills often find themselves blending together during jam sessions. All of us have different music tastes that sometimes overlap in the most unexpected areas.
On another note, I have been writing and reading a lot of poetry, which I am very proud of. Two of my friends are hosting a writer's night and I definitely plan on attending it. I haven't been to a real poetry reading in a while, it'll be a nice change from open mics, even though I love those.
On another note, I have been writing and reading a lot of poetry, which I am very proud of. Two of my friends are hosting a writer's night and I definitely plan on attending it. I haven't been to a real poetry reading in a while, it'll be a nice change from open mics, even though I love those.
11/16/09
Freshman Seminar Post
I am still behind on some work; still trying to catch up but also get the rest I need. I've been juggling papers, readings, and even those unimportant and sill assignments (busy work). I've ever started writing To Do lists every day just so that I know that I am keeping up. If I add anymore tasks to my lists, my brain will become a soupy mess.
On another note, I had an eye doctor's appointment this weekend. I was very glad when after the eye exam, the doctor told me that my eyes had not changed. It may not seem like a big deal, but considering I am almost blind, it is a very big deal for me. The last time this happened was three years ago. And my mother and I cried tears of joy. My eyes have always been a concern for us and knowing that they are starting to stop declining, is an event worth celebrating.
There's an open mic tonight. I may stop by and play a few songs in between doing homework. A break is necessary.
On another note, I had an eye doctor's appointment this weekend. I was very glad when after the eye exam, the doctor told me that my eyes had not changed. It may not seem like a big deal, but considering I am almost blind, it is a very big deal for me. The last time this happened was three years ago. And my mother and I cried tears of joy. My eyes have always been a concern for us and knowing that they are starting to stop declining, is an event worth celebrating.
There's an open mic tonight. I may stop by and play a few songs in between doing homework. A break is necessary.
11/10/09
Freshman Seminar Post
After returning to campus, I still felt the nauseating effects of having swine flu. I was unable to sleep or eat for four days. Finally, I am starting to feel better. I caught up on all the work I missed, but I am still nervous about failing Global Challenge. I emailed my teacher, as you suggested, and I hope that her response to my panic will help me understand why she believes things with "be okay" and how I will "catch up." I hope that I don't have to drop the class and retake it. There is nothing else going on in my life besides this weekend when I will go to the eye doctor, get a new prescription and then get my hair cut.
10/27/09
I caught up on most of my Global Challenge work; I finished reading The Reader for my Intro to Lit. class; I motivated myself enough to keep my room organized; and this morning, I missed my morning Intro to Lit class because of sheer laziness. I had thought I was over my laziness. All signs pointed to motivation.
I have a trip into the city again tomorrow. The Honors Program is taking some of us to the Museum of Natural History. I'm quite excited because I've never been there before. I like going on educational trips, but only because I end up learning as well as having a good time. I am an easy person to please, I'll have fun anywhere, usually.
I really want to find time to finish reading The Fountainhead. Perhaps as a reward after doing some homework. :)
I have a trip into the city again tomorrow. The Honors Program is taking some of us to the Museum of Natural History. I'm quite excited because I've never been there before. I like going on educational trips, but only because I end up learning as well as having a good time. I am an easy person to please, I'll have fun anywhere, usually.
I really want to find time to finish reading The Fountainhead. Perhaps as a reward after doing some homework. :)
10/20/09
Last wednesday I went on a trip to NYC. The group took a tour of Central Park (well, about 1/5 of it, it's so big!) with a really awesome tour guide who knew all about the real history behind the park that you don't normally hear/read about. I had some paper and a pen with me and I wrote down a lot of things he said and a lot of things I saw around me.
While on a bathroom break, I looked down a set of stairs at the park and there was a man playing the standup bass. I went down to listen to him. No one else was around and he turned to me and played solely to me. It was such a beautiful experience. After a song, I talked to him and asked him how long he's been playing. He said, in a cute foreign accent, that he's played for 40 years. It made me think about my life and how important music is to me. I want to be able to say, thirty five years from now, that I've played the guitar for 40 years to some random girl in Central Park.
While on a bathroom break, I looked down a set of stairs at the park and there was a man playing the standup bass. I went down to listen to him. No one else was around and he turned to me and played solely to me. It was such a beautiful experience. After a song, I talked to him and asked him how long he's been playing. He said, in a cute foreign accent, that he's played for 40 years. It made me think about my life and how important music is to me. I want to be able to say, thirty five years from now, that I've played the guitar for 40 years to some random girl in Central Park.
10/4/09
Freshman Seminar Post #4
I feel as though this is the first assignment that I have committed myself to this whole weekend. I really need to get on track with things, but it's so hard to stop procrastinating when it's all you know and have known all your life. Perhaps tonight is the beginning to of this needed change. I will go to bed early. I will do my homework earlier and with more motivation. I will not allow the lazy college student in me to take over my life.
I'm going home this upcoming weekend. I believe I'm taking my friend LA with me. I can't wait to show her the fields and the bridge and the river and the waterfall in my back yard. I'm sure she'll enjoy the nature because she is from Maine. Also, it is my friends birthday and we plan on going to his party. I'm excited, but at the same time I want to be able to do some homework while at home.
I'm delirious; I need sleep more than I need anything right now. I will put last week's lesson in use and prioritize:
1) Sleep
2) Homework
3) Fun
I'm going home this upcoming weekend. I believe I'm taking my friend LA with me. I can't wait to show her the fields and the bridge and the river and the waterfall in my back yard. I'm sure she'll enjoy the nature because she is from Maine. Also, it is my friends birthday and we plan on going to his party. I'm excited, but at the same time I want to be able to do some homework while at home.
I'm delirious; I need sleep more than I need anything right now. I will put last week's lesson in use and prioritize:
1) Sleep
2) Homework
3) Fun
9/26/09
Freshman Seminar Post #3
Today, my parents came to visit me. My dad wasn't feeling well, but we managed to be together for a total of 3 hours without fighting, which was awesome. We went to Friendly's for a meal and then we walked around Madison and went into stores. We found a really cool vintage clothes store and my mother helped me pay for an awesome reversible vest. It was really nice seeing them again, even though I haven't felt homesick. It was just a good feeling being with them for a short amount of time without it being a forced thing.
I feel as though I have a newly found appreciation for them. It's refreshing.
I don't have much else to say, this week has just been filled with class and work, like most other weeks. Nothing out of the ordinary has happened.
p.s. One of my friend's older brother came to visit. We started talking and realized we have a lot in common. I just left his room after a 3 hour long intellectually stimulating and profound conversation about human nature, the human condition, suffering, the arts, music, etc. Times like these are what I long for in college and I hope to have more of these experiences along the way. i wish to find my true self through being able to express what I know and expand on that knowledge.
I feel as though I have a newly found appreciation for them. It's refreshing.
I don't have much else to say, this week has just been filled with class and work, like most other weeks. Nothing out of the ordinary has happened.
p.s. One of my friend's older brother came to visit. We started talking and realized we have a lot in common. I just left his room after a 3 hour long intellectually stimulating and profound conversation about human nature, the human condition, suffering, the arts, music, etc. Times like these are what I long for in college and I hope to have more of these experiences along the way. i wish to find my true self through being able to express what I know and expand on that knowledge.
9/21/09
Freshman Seminar Post #2
This place is not a house, but it feels so much like home now. I find beauty in almost every one I meet and it makes me question why I have hated humanity for so long. Perhaps, until now, I have not met the right people to share this world with. I've written something, finally, and it feels like a piece of my soul has been lifted and placed onto a dry sheet of paper for the world to wash clean.
I do not dream at night, but this afternoon while taking a nap I dreamed that my friends and I were vacationing in a strange place, a circus beach town. We were all holding hands, or linking arms, I can't remember quite well. The day turned to night and the beach was purely green. We stood watching the waves rolling like logs off a hilled pasture. I have never had a more satisfying nap.
These people are what I would call a family. We eat together; we laugh together; we smoke together; we sleep together; and we wake up to the heartbeat of the morning together. I have never lived with strangers that are so familiar. It is uncommon for a day go by when one of us is not taking care of the other. Just today, LA took care of me while I was feeling lonely. She did not need to be by my side, yet she did so willingly. On the couch, she read poetry and rubbed my head in her lap as I remembered why I was not crying. I am not alone anymore. I have been alone for too long and the feeling comes and goes - a natural occurrence, a habit. Soon I will throw it out as I do with all useless trash - a empty pack of cigarettes recently shared among friends.
I do not dream at night, but this afternoon while taking a nap I dreamed that my friends and I were vacationing in a strange place, a circus beach town. We were all holding hands, or linking arms, I can't remember quite well. The day turned to night and the beach was purely green. We stood watching the waves rolling like logs off a hilled pasture. I have never had a more satisfying nap.
These people are what I would call a family. We eat together; we laugh together; we smoke together; we sleep together; and we wake up to the heartbeat of the morning together. I have never lived with strangers that are so familiar. It is uncommon for a day go by when one of us is not taking care of the other. Just today, LA took care of me while I was feeling lonely. She did not need to be by my side, yet she did so willingly. On the couch, she read poetry and rubbed my head in her lap as I remembered why I was not crying. I am not alone anymore. I have been alone for too long and the feeling comes and goes - a natural occurrence, a habit. Soon I will throw it out as I do with all useless trash - a empty pack of cigarettes recently shared among friends.
9/14/09
Freshman Seminar Post #1
The days here at Fairleigh seem longer than those I spend at home and I like it. Usually, I wake up and do a few things and the day is over. Here, I'm doing things left and right and sometimes the line between my days is blurry. If someone asks me what I did yesterday, I will tell them only a fraction of what actually happened, because the rest feels like it happened on another day. I've never been this socially active, although I've never felt like I was lacking in that department.
Although I've adjusted well in the social aspect of college, I think it has brought down the level of motivation for classes and homework that i came with initially. I've become that high school senior that didn't do homework and never cared to pay attention to note taking again. There is one class that I do, however, love and will forever be motivated in. So perhaps that will eventually rub off and spread into the other subjects.
For now, I cannot say that I'm struggling, but I do wish to make some minor changes. Perhaps with a more motivated and peaceful mindset i will finally get out of my writer's block and write creatively once again.
-A.Sajak
Although I've adjusted well in the social aspect of college, I think it has brought down the level of motivation for classes and homework that i came with initially. I've become that high school senior that didn't do homework and never cared to pay attention to note taking again. There is one class that I do, however, love and will forever be motivated in. So perhaps that will eventually rub off and spread into the other subjects.
For now, I cannot say that I'm struggling, but I do wish to make some minor changes. Perhaps with a more motivated and peaceful mindset i will finally get out of my writer's block and write creatively once again.
-A.Sajak
5/13/09
I Tremble...
This morning in America, the DOW has dropped 184 points, several people are worried about swine flu, a few dozen have quit smoking, and another billion were diagnosed with economical heart failure. This morning in America, one individual has considered the arduous day to day life of other countries' citizens.
As Americans, we fail to acknowledge the existing hardships in other - our brother and sister - countries such as Mexico and Sudan. In spite of all the news surrounding these locations, constantly on TV screens, computer screens, and hidden in the hurried footsteps of bustling feet, we close our minds' eyes to the horrors and continue to live in relative wealth and blissful ignorance, while each of the two places I've mentioned is exploding with unspeakable misery.
The streets of Juarez, Mexico are deceiving, settling for a sharp fog of lies. In every footstep across pavement or dirt is a recent line of fire - 3 young men found in a car, each shot, each smiling prayers to their creator; in every child's eyes is a nurtured sense of fear and distrust, a soul equipped to witness death at 5 years old; in every mother there is a quiet scream, let out on dusty sidewalks where her little boys were once playful; and in every murder there is a drug cartel's profit. Where is the powerful government when dozens of innocent men and women and even children die every day? President Calderon, your people are calling out your name.The people of Mexico need you to regain power.1
(Recently, our own president Obama visited Mexico to discuss the drug war as well as the economy with President Calderon).2
Along side the crisis in Mexico is the genocide in Darfur. The conflict is between two groups: the Janjaweed (a group of Afro-Arab nomads supported and armed by the Sudanese government)and the Sudanese Liberation Army (who have been fighting for their autonomy). The janjaweed rape and pillage villages in order to defeat the SLA. In this process, they also destroy the homes and lives of millions of Darfurians.3
Because of this devastation, the refugee camps in Sudan are splitting at their invisible seams from the influx of people entering every day. Ever since the warrant for President al-Bashir's arrest, 50% of humanitarian aid has been cut off as a form of retaliation. Millions of internally displaced persons are suffering from this every day.4
Sudan is war-torn and hungry, her people are tired and ready for change. Sudan has turned from a peaceful country with a variety of tribes whose violence never reached as far as crimes against humanity, into a nation where little girls and boys learn too quickly what it means to be afraid, and people dress their hearts in middle-aged armor, hoping to have them grow over night, to the right age, have them be old enough to stand the test of crime. Children raised in times of war are modern day anachronisms; their minds' arms cannot carry a gun; their minds' eyes should not have to witness this conflict.
As an American, I too, struggle to find the motivation to join in the humanitarian causes. I have not the money nor the means of really "getting involved." I can barely scratch the surface of these wars, when I'd like to dig in deep, get my hands and nails filthy.5 I find that many Americans as well as the rest of the world are not fully (or at all) aware of what is going on in both Sudan and Mexico. This blog represents my activism against violence against the human race; I hope that one day my part in this will develop from subtle activism into one with more fervor. Perhaps today, with this information I can inspire you to do the same or more. That is why I leave you with a 6 minute and 30 second segment by 2 filmmakers who spent the day with the Sudanese Liberation Army in Darfur as well as more information about Darfur in the footnotes.6
This video really illustrates the issue and the setting without getting graphic:
My footnotes provide other links to further educate you on the two issues mentioned in this blog. Be aware that some of the videos provided are very graphic.
1This link contains a 50 minute segment about the drug war in Mexico from Current TV. Journalist Laura Ling reports from Juarez, Mexico, interviewing citizens and officials while also following several crimes that all happen in the course of one day.
2 Obama Talks Drug War in Mexico
3 Genocide in Darfur
4This article contains more information about the Humanitarian situation in Sudan.
5 Save Darfur
6 Another informational video about Darfur; This is one of the most recent updates I could find on the genocide in Darfur.
As Americans, we fail to acknowledge the existing hardships in other - our brother and sister - countries such as Mexico and Sudan. In spite of all the news surrounding these locations, constantly on TV screens, computer screens, and hidden in the hurried footsteps of bustling feet, we close our minds' eyes to the horrors and continue to live in relative wealth and blissful ignorance, while each of the two places I've mentioned is exploding with unspeakable misery.
The streets of Juarez, Mexico are deceiving, settling for a sharp fog of lies. In every footstep across pavement or dirt is a recent line of fire - 3 young men found in a car, each shot, each smiling prayers to their creator; in every child's eyes is a nurtured sense of fear and distrust, a soul equipped to witness death at 5 years old; in every mother there is a quiet scream, let out on dusty sidewalks where her little boys were once playful; and in every murder there is a drug cartel's profit. Where is the powerful government when dozens of innocent men and women and even children die every day? President Calderon, your people are calling out your name.The people of Mexico need you to regain power.1
(Recently, our own president Obama visited Mexico to discuss the drug war as well as the economy with President Calderon).2
Along side the crisis in Mexico is the genocide in Darfur. The conflict is between two groups: the Janjaweed (a group of Afro-Arab nomads supported and armed by the Sudanese government)and the Sudanese Liberation Army (who have been fighting for their autonomy). The janjaweed rape and pillage villages in order to defeat the SLA. In this process, they also destroy the homes and lives of millions of Darfurians.3
Because of this devastation, the refugee camps in Sudan are splitting at their invisible seams from the influx of people entering every day. Ever since the warrant for President al-Bashir's arrest, 50% of humanitarian aid has been cut off as a form of retaliation. Millions of internally displaced persons are suffering from this every day.4
Sudan is war-torn and hungry, her people are tired and ready for change. Sudan has turned from a peaceful country with a variety of tribes whose violence never reached as far as crimes against humanity, into a nation where little girls and boys learn too quickly what it means to be afraid, and people dress their hearts in middle-aged armor, hoping to have them grow over night, to the right age, have them be old enough to stand the test of crime. Children raised in times of war are modern day anachronisms; their minds' arms cannot carry a gun; their minds' eyes should not have to witness this conflict.
As an American, I too, struggle to find the motivation to join in the humanitarian causes. I have not the money nor the means of really "getting involved." I can barely scratch the surface of these wars, when I'd like to dig in deep, get my hands and nails filthy.5 I find that many Americans as well as the rest of the world are not fully (or at all) aware of what is going on in both Sudan and Mexico. This blog represents my activism against violence against the human race; I hope that one day my part in this will develop from subtle activism into one with more fervor. Perhaps today, with this information I can inspire you to do the same or more. That is why I leave you with a 6 minute and 30 second segment by 2 filmmakers who spent the day with the Sudanese Liberation Army in Darfur as well as more information about Darfur in the footnotes.6
This video really illustrates the issue and the setting without getting graphic:
My footnotes provide other links to further educate you on the two issues mentioned in this blog. Be aware that some of the videos provided are very graphic.
1This link contains a 50 minute segment about the drug war in Mexico from Current TV. Journalist Laura Ling reports from Juarez, Mexico, interviewing citizens and officials while also following several crimes that all happen in the course of one day.
2 Obama Talks Drug War in Mexico
3 Genocide in Darfur
4This article contains more information about the Humanitarian situation in Sudan.
5 Save Darfur
6 Another informational video about Darfur; This is one of the most recent updates I could find on the genocide in Darfur.
5/4/09
Help I'm Alive
Not only is this the title of one of my new favorite songs, it happens to be the phrase I'd choose to describe my life right now.
Some things to consider (that i've been considering):
Same-Sex Marriage (CNN)
Switching Sides (The Onion)
Ken Robinson: Does School Kill Creativity? (ted.com)
Besides constantly reading articles online and watching videos on TED.com, I go on youtube. I watch spoken word poetry videos in my free time that isn't really as free as I pretend. Basically, I do math homework and I sit on my bed wondering if the motivation to do ACTUAL homework that matters will ever magically appear, perhaps on a highjacked jet-brain or through interpretive dance. It never does. I watch slam poetry instead. All. the. Time.
Some may think that I am lazy, but is it laziness that drives me not to do homework or do i feel that I should be doing something more useful with my time? As an aspiring writer/poet, youtube is my choice.
For your viewing pleasure, some spoken word that I have enjoyed:
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